Over again
by stateofdreamin
Summary: Will cheated, JJ is left confused.


-

She's sitting on the couch with an untouched glass of wine on the table in front of her. The room would've been pitch black, if it wasn't for the muted tv playing old reruns of 7th heaven. She vaguely registers her phone pinging besides her, but she's too exhausted to pick it up and see who texted her.

Coming to the conclusion that sitting in the darkness with the tv on, trying to figure out how and where everything went so wrong probably isn't the best way of coping, but she dismisses the thought as she can't bring herself to care.

She should be crying, she thinks. Yelling, screaming into the darkness, maybe throwing things but she doesn't. JJ finds it weird. She just found out her boyfriend of however many years has been cheating on her, and anyone in her position would be crying their eyes out, eating ben jerry's straight out of the tub and watching all three Bridget Jones' Diary. So why doesn't she feel the need to do any of those things?

The phone pings again, and she sighs. She remembers that she's gonna have to tell the team and her family about what happened and it makes her feel exhausted and embarrassed. She thinks about how the team would react, and the only thing she's sure of is that Garcia would be running down to her lair to do something like mess with Will's credit score or dox him on the dark web. Maybe she can keep it under wraps for a while, she thinks.

JJ looks around the dark room, and even though she can only kind of make out some of Will's things in the darkness, she feels tired thinking about how she has to put it all in boxes to give back to him. He's gonna come back for his stuff, and he'll probably try to convince JJ to take him back. Because after all _he loves her_, he wants to be with he_r _and it's _not his fault she's working so much that he rarely sees her._

She should've known, she thinks. It wasn't hard to notice how distant he had become, how he came home in the middle of the night and how he worked a lot of overtime, despite being on his days off. She's a profiler, for God's sake. She feels so stupid.

Maybe she did know, but ignored it. Maybe her mind was so invested in having the perfect relationship that she ignored all the signs, and she can't help but feel like it's worse than not knowing at all.

JJ's sad. Of course she is, but she's not heartbroken. And she can't understand it. She has spent years with this man, loving him, moving in with him, celebrating christmas, anniversaries and valentine's days with him. Heartbroken is what she should be, she should be angry but all she knows is that dull ache in her heart isn't pressing enough to make her cry.

Being sad over a relationship ending and being heartbroken are two different things, she realizes.

There was one thing Will said that JJ cant stop thinking about though. As she was done yelling at him through tears, (she had cried then, but she thinks it was more the surprise that got to her rather than the fact that he had slept with another woman), he mentioned Emily. Saying JJ spent more time with the woman rather than with him.

_"what are you talking about?", JJ says, defeated as she sits down on the barstool by the kitchen counter._

_"You know what i'm talking about", he answers, annoyance, and something else she can't figure out, lacing his tone._

_She pinches her nose and takes a deep breath._

_"I really don't"_

_"Sometimes you act like you're in love with her, not me", he says. Before JJ can say anything, he continues. "You talk about her constantly. When you get home it's Emily this and Emily that, when we're supposed to spend time together just you and I. When she was supposed to be dead a few years back you spent more time playing scrabble than talking to me and I can't say I was surprised when i found out you were talking to her through the game. What I've been doing hasn't been right, but neither has what you've been doing."_

_The annoyance makes itself present on JJ's face now, because how dare he blame what he did on her? She was close with Emily, but that's a given when you're in her line of work._

_She wants to tell him to shut up, to get the fuck out the apartment and slap him for bringing her best friend into this._

_"And what have I been doing?", she settles on asking, because she isn't quite sure what he means._

_"You know what I mean, Jennifer", he says, before he turns and walks out of the door saying he'll come back tomorrow. JJ pours herself a glass of wine._

There's a knock on the door, and JJ sighs as she gets up. Thinking it's Will, she starts talking as she opens the door.

"Will I told you I didn't want to see you", she starts, but stops when she sees who it really is. There in front of her stands the woman they'd been talking about just half an hour ago.

"Why don't you want to see Will?", Emily asks. Her right eyebrow is raised, and even though she's sporting a playful look, JJ can see the worry that's there.

"Hey, Emily. What are you doing here?", JJ asks, avoiding the other woman's question.

"You were late, and when you didn't reply to our texts Garcia got worried", Emily starts, and as she sees JJ's face morph into confusion she reminds her what she'd been late for. "Girl's night".

JJ sighs and apologizes, reminded about how she found out about Will in the first place, she completely forgot about her plans with her friends.

"JJ", Emily says as she moves into the apartment. "Are you okay?".

JJ looks away, not wanting to look at Emily because as much as she can try to make up a lie right then and there, she knows that Emily will see right through her. So she tells her.

"I caught Will cheating on me", she says, focusing on the tv in the living rooms to her right. The embarrassment is too much for her and she doesn't want to see Emily's reaction to the words. "I was going to get ready for girl's night when I saw him in bed with someone from his work.", she explained.

It's quiet for a second, so JJ looks over at her best friend to try and figure out what she's thinking, and all she can see on the other woman's face is anger.

"What the fuck is wrong with him?", she says, after she saw JJ's worry. She couldn't for the life of her understand how Will could do that to JJ.

"It's okay, Em. It was bound to happen with my work hours and all of that", JJ says, with a weak and sad smile on her face.

"No, do not say that. That asshole met you on the job, he knew what he was getting himself into.", Emily says, her voice strong. "This is not your fault"

JJ sighs, and before she knows it she feels tears prickling in her eyes and she's annoyed because why couldn't she had started crying when she was lone instead of i front of her best friend?

Emily pulls her into a hug, strokes her hair and whispers about how she's gonna castrate him, kill him or maybe both. And JJ can't help but chuckle at the empty threats, because even though what she has found out was awful, she can't help but feel somewhat okay as Emily holds her.

"I'm okay Emily", she says into her coworkers shoulder and before Emily could protest she continued. "I kind of feel like I've had one foot out of the door in the relationship anyway".

"What do you mean?", Emily asks, confused. Because she know JJ, she knows that when she's in a relationship she gives it her all even though she's afraid of getting hurt. JJ doesn't half-ass things.

JJ pulls away, looks square into Emily's eyes and tells her about Will's suspicion.

"- and I wanted to yell at him for bringing you into this, using our friendship as an excuse for what he did, it made me realize that maybe he was right", she says, looking down at her hands. "Because I know that I feel more now when I'm with you than I did in the entirety of will and I's relationship."

Emily goes quiet, and JJ starts to think she messed up because she can't read Emily's face right now. She's about to apologize, take it back or do something to undo the mess she just made, but Emily speaks before she gets the chance.

"What are you saying, Jennifer?"

"I'm saying that i have very strong feelings for you", JJ says, and looks into Emily's eyes. "I understand if that freaks you out, and if it makes you uncomfortable I'm so sorry, but-"

"JJ just shut up", Emily interrupts and kisses her. It's soft, sweet and JJ can't help but think that this is everything she wanted and everything she never had with Will, and despite the rough start of it all she feels happy.


End file.
